Usually when you’re sharing news above and beyond the ups and downs of ordinary life it’s about a major change in your life: triumphs or tragedies. Before I wax too poetic I want to explain simply that the goal of this post is to talk about why “L.C.” is no longer going to appear after my name, I won’t be presenting myself as a Legionary of Christ, and in a few years that will probably become permanent.

This is part of the process of a priestly member of a religious order (me) who is thinking of leaving his order (the Legion) while continuing to serve as a priest (which would be to become a diocesan priest). A diocesan bishop must agree to accept him on a trial basis, and through the order the priest requests an “indult of departure” (a permission to depart from the Legion, in my case) from the Holy Father. When it is granted and accepted the priest’s vows (poverty, chastity, and obedience, which he made to become a member of the order) are suspended and he lives completely as a diocesan priest under the bishop who accepted him on a trial basis and is only accountable to him, not the order. If the bishop decides to accept him permanently, or five years pass without the bishop rejecting him, the suspended vows become permanently dispensed. If rejected by the bishop, the priest automatically reverts back to being accountable to the order.

I received my indult of departure, dated August 28th, last Monday on my birthday. So my vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience according to the Constitutions of the Legion are suspended, but I still live those virtues according to my state of life as a priest: celibacy, obedience to my bishop, and poverty of spirit. The Legion no longer supports me financially; I support myself (now as a Parochial Vicar at St. Patrick’s), live with the other priests of St. Patrick’s as a housemate, not a Legionary community, etc.

Since the Legion’s institutional crisis began in earnest in 2008 I’ve seen a lot of my Legionary brothers leave. Some ecstatic to leave, which was very disheartening, others angry and fed up, justifying themselves by blaming the Legion entirely, hurt by their Legionary experiences. Neither attitude, as I see it now, is entirely fair. There are many Legionary brothers who were formed with me with whom I still have a deep bond of gratitude and fraternity. To the many others I respect them and wish them well in the renewed Legion., which has been vetted by prudent men at the Holy Father’s request (three popes: Benedict XVI, Francis, and Leo XIV).

Around 2014 the Legion’s crisis became a personal crisis, and that’s probably the moment that eventually led to this step I’m taking now.  It was also the moment I isolated myself emotionally from the Legion while dealing with my crisis and navigating the process of renewal. My heart in these years was largely of the “angry and justified to leave” category of Legionary I described, but deep down it always felt I was trying to justify leaving by rationalizing and making a case to myself that I was entitled to leave. I admit I issued at least three “ultimatums” to the Lord, seeking a specific sign to continue, and he gave them.

Canon Law says that to ask for an indult of departure should only be done “for the gravest of causes considered before the Lord.” I didn’t stopped trying to find a grave reason around the Fall of 2021, I didn’t accept that I had to assume some blame and responsibility for everything until the Spring of 2024, not just blame the Legion exclusively to justify my isolation, rebellion, and “righteous” indignation. I thought I’d worked everything out and found a place and work in the renewed Legion that spoke to my talents. I was at peace. In a moment of calm, unlike other “ultimatum” occasions, the idea of leaving the Legion returned. It was not provoked by any anger, angst, or frustration. It surprised me. I told my superiors and asked everyone else to pray that I hear the Lord’s “still, small voice” and understand whatever deeper surrender he wanted from me. I prepared to dive deep on the question in my Summer eight-day annual retreat. At the end of that retreat in late July 2024 I resolved to close the last emotional distance between me and the Legion and considered the matter closed. Closing the emotional gap and the gap between the identity that emerged after my person crisis and the renewed Legionary identity was what the Lord wanted, so I went to work enthusiastically for months. My health should have improved, but it started to worsen. I carried on, but in late February 2025 I knew I couldn’t “do this” anymore. I was barely functional as a Legionary and miserable. I questioned whether I could continue as a Legionary or just didn’t want to continue. The grave obligation of my vows and duty weighed heavily on me, but also the possibility that I could no longer live them without wrecking my health.

This started a six month process of focusing on health, moving out of a Legionary community to live alone, praying, and seeking counsel. That led me home in July of 2025 to ask my home diocese’s bishop if he would accept me for a few years as a diocesan priest on a trial basis, and the Holy Father to let me disconnect and disassociate with the Legion for a few years, possibly permanently, to try being a parish diocesan priest. I had to do a complete immersion in the life it seemed I needed to transition into: from a religious priest to a Legionary priest.

I started full time as a parish priest on August 1st this year (after spending a year covering at various parishes while the new bishop was being sought and installed), and ceased being an active Legionary on August 31st (my birthday). My health has improved a lot, and since 2021 I do feel this has all helped me grow spiritually after a prolonged period of spiritual stagnation and survival mode. I’ve loved my first month as a Parochial Vicar, but I know I need a few years doing it to really see if this transition is the right way to serve the Lord while caring for my health. We’re all called to live poor, chaste, and obedient according to our condition and state of life. Religious under vows have written rules on how to do it. My first year living on my own showed me I’d gone soft on all three. I have a renewed appreciation for living these evangelical counsels.

After many years of angst and ambition I have hope, and no other plans than living the next few years well to serve my St. Patrick’s flock. It’s been wonderfully fulfilling so far, but to say I’m happy would be an oversimplification. I’m joyful and hopeful, but sorrowful too. Joyful that I can share everything I’ve experienced and received to help others, hopeful that the Lord is helping me so long as I sincerely try to do his will, and sorrowful that after twenty-nine years a Legionary (as of May 30) and twenty-seven of those years as a religious under vows (as of September 4) I’ve felt the need to ask the Holy Father to possibly (and probably) leave the Legion behind permanently after trying to make it work for at least ten years and failing. I don’t blame the Legion exclusively, or myself. There’s blame to go around and I mourn what could have been. I always will. Last Friday was my profession anniversary (and the First Friday of the month) and I could best summarize it as love for being loved by the Sacred Heart, and tears that I might go back on the word I gave the day of my perpetual profession to persevere until death in the Legion.

I don’t regret so many wonderful opportunities and experiences I’ve had along the way, and people I’ve helped and who’ve helped me. For my silver jubilee in 2024 I got an image of Our Lady of Sorrows (patroness of the Legion) in a silver-painted frame to remind me of the gift to the Lord and blessing of years being a Legionary that can never be erased. My devotion to her continues and I try to imitate her joy and hope in the face of sorrow. I still also pray daily one of the most beautiful prayers Regnum Christi teach their ECYD boys and girls:

I give you my hands to do your work.
I give you my feet to follow your path.
I give you my eyes to see as you see.
I give you my tongue to speak your words.
I give you my mind so that you can think in me.
I give you my spirit so you can pray in me.
Above all I give you my heart so in me you can love your Father and all people.
I give you my whole self so you can grow in me, till it is you, Christ, who live and work and pray in me. Amen.

I’ve also drawn great encouragement and strength from the Sacred Heart. He loves me enough to have my back always in grace and in mercy. His is the only respect and esteem I truly need. He never tires of asking if I love him, accepting the love I can give, and asking me to feed his sheep.

As for all the rest, my dear brothers and sisters, whom I deeply love and appreciate, I conclude by directing your attention to the first Beatitude Our Lord taught in his Sermon on the Mount. It’s an attitude we should have and a promise we can count on:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

May his Kingdom come.

Since such big news came in May, June was mainly helping out at parishes in south Santa Cruz county and northern San Benito county. As I write this I am beginning an eight-day silent retreat at St. Francis Retreat Center in San Juan Bautista. You and your prayer intentions will be in my prayers.

In early June I received news that one of my classmates in elementary and high school, Paul Coty, passed away unexpectedly. I concelebrated at his funeral at Holy Eucharist Church in Corralitos. It was the first time I was home to attend a classmate’s funeral, so I was grateful for the chance. On July 30th I’ll have been back in Watsonville for a year, and it’s been a year full of blessings.

In July I was able to visit Old Mission Santa Ynez for the first time, which is near Solvang, a Danish-themed village with shops and some incredible bakeries. On the way home we dined at a steakhouse in the Madonna Inn at San Luis Obispo, a place with such unique decor it defies description.

Count on my prayers!

I’m happy to share that on August 1st I will start the parish assignment of parochial vicar at St. Patrick’s Church in Watsonville. I was baptized at St. Patrick’s and attended Mass there until I graduated college, and over the years I and the parishioners have seen each other around once a year. Over this last year I’ve ministered to them many times

I’m so excited to have them as my flock with Fr. Jason, the pastor, and Fr. Karl, who’ll also be a parochial vicar. Please keep the parish in your prayers.

I met Bishop Ramon Bejarano at his installation Mass in February and greeted him at the diocesan Chrism Mass in Holy Week, but couldn’t get on his busy schedule earlier than May 5th. We had a great meeting, and last Friday afternoon he called me personally to say he’d accepted my request to be accepted ad experimentum (Latin for “on a trial basis”) into the diocese and that a parish assignment was forthcoming. This would be for 3-5 years. I’ll unpack what this means, since I know it can be confusing.

I’ve been living extra domum (Latin for “out of the house”) for a little over a year. That means I’m living outside of a Legionary community and with no ministry assigned by the Legion. I moved back to Watsonville, California last summer and have been living with my mother and helping out at local parishes. On August 1st I met with the outgoing bishop (Bishop Daniel Garcia) and he and his personnel board decided my request to try diocesan parish ministry should be deferred until new bishop had arrived.

My request to the bishop is to be allowed to work in a parish (which I can already do as a religious priest), but live like a diocesan priest on a trial basis.

What’s the difference?

1. The bishop is responsible for me in ministry and spiritually as part of his diocese.
2. I would not be living in a Legionary community or living as a Legionary or doing ministry as a Legionary. The bishop would ask me to do a ministry of the diocese.
3. I’d live in a parish rectory and take care of my personal needs and finances. My parish would pay me a salary and give me benefits. For all practically purposes, I would have a job again, pay taxes, etc. In the Legion I receive no compensation personally; the Legion receives and compensation for my ministry and takes care of me financially.

In a nutshell, it is putting Legionary religious life on hold and focusing on priestly life exclusively in a diocese. My heart has been telling me over the last year that I need to do a complete trial of being a diocesan parish priest to see if Our Lord is asking me to transition into that life and leave the Legion. I do this mainly because over the last two years I’ve faced some health challenges that seem hard to overcome living the Legionary lifestyle. My year extra domum has benefitted me spiritually and physically. Count on my prayers and I ask for yours as well as I await my diocesan parish assignment.

In my first post on this blog, formerly entitled A Roman Catholic Experience, before the blog even went live (May 1, 2015) I asked Jesus, Mary, and Joseph to bless this blog. They have, abundantly. I continue to entrust it to them. When I first started this blog I named it A Roman Catholic Experience because I was living and working based out of Rome for the foreseeable future. That ended at the start of 2021, and I am now living in the Diocese of Monterey, waiting on an assignment from the bishop to try a parish experience after years in academia and administration. Please keep this in your prayers. I am meeting with him one-on-one on May 5th.

It was time to update the website and fine tune the focus. Hence, Father Nikola at Large.

In the past, posts would come every 6-8 months as long travelogues with pictures. I don’t foresee traveling before the four counties of the diocese any time soon, but I also owe it to all of you, my family and friends, to update you a little more often (once a month or more). So they’ll be shorter, and maybe sometimes without as many photos. I have also added an Events calendar so you can see my public events in case you would like to participate.

Thank you for all your support and adventures with me. God bless you!